Lies Laid Bare

There are all kinds of defensible reasons to lie to our kids.

Maybe we’re protecting them from a hard truth about the world, like what the vet really said about a beloved pet’s diagnosis. Or maybe we’re protecting ourselves - “No, your mom and I weren’t fighting” - because there’s something we don’t want to come to terms with ourselves. Or we lie because certain cultural traditions demand it (“What’d the tooth fairy get you this time, honey?!”). Or we lie because we’re simply exhausted, and explaining the truth would require far more mental resources than we could muster, laying on the couch, after a long day of dutifully executing our work and home responsibilities.

Good reasons, all. But our children grow, and in their own small ways, they become wiser. They become aware - or at least suspicious - about our ruses, and they demand to know the truth. Or maybe a protective lie becomes no longer tenable and we decide to come clean.

Whatever the lie and in whichever way it unraveled, this is a really rich source for writing your kids. Explain why you didn’t tell them the truth - were you hiding a sad fact about the world from them? Did you think they weren’t yet old enough to understand? This coming clean will show them how you’ve tried to protect them (even if it feels misguided in retrospect), and how you honored their cognitive and emotional development with honesty. It’s also a little charming and bittersweet to reflect back on the things kids use to accept as reality.

This is a great chance not to just write your kids, but even to record the conversation, and hear their side of the story from their own experience.